Make your Life Worth Living!

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Don't curse yourself for where you stand today - neither blame others - because, you only have choosen to be there, where you are -- consciously!

The U-bend of Life: Death of Ambition, Birth of Acceptance!

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An Amazing and well-researched post at 'The Economist,' clearly revealing, how, while growing old, we let our ambitions die a peaceful death filling up the void with a growing sense of acceptance, highlights:

Don't Tell Me: You Are Successful, Because You Deserve It

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Fortunately, most of you haven't touched the bottom of life, and I wish you never. Because, unlike surface, bottom is suffocating and very few can successfully comeback to the surface -- intact!

Trust me: It's easy to talk and quote all those inspiring stuffs from books, but it's equally difficult to live through difficult times, in reality.

The definition and also the interpretation of success, in life, is so simple, yet, so difficult: Making things happen. But, how many of you achieve it, truly? Very few!

Don't tell me that people achieve success just because they deserve it. In fact, most of them are there, where they are, today, because they're destined to be. However, they are superficially successful.

Because, for moving beyond that, towards something extraordinary, what you need is the support of a rare combination of genetic and upbringing quality.

If you have it, thank your parents and move ahead of others; if not, try to make it up and keep moving. But, never, ever, forget that if you are hugely successful today -- it's your parents who laid the foundation.

So, if you are an extra-ordinarily successful person don't think only you deserve the credit, because more than you -- it's your parents who deserve it!

The Rise And Fall of Nira Radia

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Despite being the most preferred public relation lobbyist of the Indian Industrialists for more than a decade, I have never head of Nira Radia until the hell broke loose a month ago.

A Bridge Too Far?

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In Business, or in job, or in family matters, your inner-circle members are counting heavily on you for navigating them safely through life uncertainties to a stable zone. Well, that's a continuous and never ending process!

One hand, you work hard to live up-to your own expectations of achieving success in professional  life, and on the other hand, as head of the family, you put in your best efforts to live up-to the expectations of your family members -- continuing to be a never-ending source of inspiration.

Negotiating through tens of complex issues, at a time, pulling you in different directions, you focus on delivering the best with maximum efforts in minimum time. In fact, you leave no stone unturned to hit your targets.

Gradually, you stop bothering about your own-self and start living for others - happily - channelizing all your resources - internal and external - in one direction: Your family members, friends and even colleagues, until a sudden disaster - either in business, or in career, or in your personal life - shatters you economical and/or emotional stability that you have earned through dedicated hard-work and selfless commitment.

And then you realize, the bridge connecting your life track to the wonderland of success is far away! A bridge too far!

Obviously, many of us, in such situation, decide to give-up accepting defeat but a few start it all over again - ultimately making it happen.

Never forget: Success may be a destination too far, but reachable if you decide -- not to give up.

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Please, Let Me Be My True-self!

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I thought people love me for being what I am: Being humorous; being down-to-earth and for my good intentions.

But I was wrong, because people never loved me for being my true-self. They loved me for being what I projected to them -- falsely!

There exists a community in India that teaches its members to talk sweet irrespective of whatever lies inside heart, and history confirms that they are the most successful business community.

In my professional life also, one of the most successful bosses - who incidentally belong that community - taught me to be extremely decent on surface while hiding my real feelings.

Hypocrisy, no doubt, but it paid off exceedingly well during my association with him in that job. Political, no doubt, but my colleagues took it on face value contributing to my career success there.

But I never liked it, then, and don't, even now, because I believe that a strong building rests only on the foundation of genuineness.

So, let people think and do what they wish to; I would remain what I truly stand for: Good or bad, whatever, but my true-self.

Yes, let me be my true-self while dealing with the world -- irrespective of the consequences, whatsoever!

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Facts of Life, You Can't Deny!

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Someone known to me went all out to ensure the best education for her children and, by the grace of GOD, they're all now well settled in life.

But she, now terminally ill, is living a lonely life in her native place along with her 85 years old caring husband -- as none of her children can either relocate there nor take her to their home for reasons known to them only!

Another lady, who never bothered to educate her children beyond her means, is now passing through the last phase of life surrounded by sons - settled with mediocre jobs there - and grandchildren.

Looking at these two extreme examples of parenting, I'm a bit confused: Who was right?

Was the first lady - who sacrificed everything that she could to ensure the best education for her children - did justice to her role of an ideal parent (facing the consequences too), or the second lady who focused more - may be manipulatively - on ensuring that her children remain with her during old age?

Now, tell me frankly, given a choice: Who would be your role model? Don't pretend to be an idealist while answering this question, but spill out your true feeling.

My comment: We do our best to ensure the best education for our children even at the cost of our own survival, but some of us are selfish and manipulative! Look around, and I'm sure you notice that the world is full of them.

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Turn Intentional 'Act of Neglect' Into Performance Booster

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Never neglect the act of neglect, by others, rather identify what made them ignore you and focus on improving over those weaknesses.

I experienced it a few times in my life and for some unknown reasons every time I tried my best to convert them into opportunity.

First time it happened when I was was in class XI. One of the seniors, who happened to be the College champion, refused to play 'Table Tennis' with me because he felt - I being new in this game - it would be a wastage of time for him and told me to handover the bat to another player.

As usual, students in the surrounding started laughing. I felt deeply hurt, even cried behind the closed doors after returning home.

Well, what followed next, is what I keep reminding myself -- motivating every bits of my soul whenever darkness engulfs my life and I feel hopeless.

I left no stone un-turned to master the game of Table Tennis, and in the next session I beat the same person in the final - then current champion - to become the new champion.

What made me act in that way, was not known to me at that time - not even now - but I assume, it was an intense desire to show myself - and also to others - that 'I can do it.' Yes, 'I can make things happen.'

The act of neglect perhaps inspired me to awaken the hidden and underutilized strength - that all us have - and I went all out to achieve the impossible.

What I, an ordinary person, could do, I'm sure all of you are much more capable of doing -- if only, you take the act of neglect as a challenge to your existence!

So, whenever someone neglects you, you must feel bad about it but positively, and go all out to prove in due course of time, that, he was right, then -- but, not anymore.

Fortunately, it's happening again, on a much bigger scale, and I'm putting my best efforts into proving: That, still, I can make things happen!

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Recruiters Are Not Super Humans!

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Someone told me the other day that most of the recruiters don't bother to respond to the candidates' call, or even return them later.

Come on, how is this possible, if you are a hot candidate matching a few openings in their priority list? After all, candidates are recruiter's bread and butter -- although money comes from the clients only. Am I right?

Do you know, how difficult it is for a recruiter to get in touch with the decision makers in corporate jungle -- as most them always seem to be occupied with a series of never-ending meetings? May be, it reflects in recruiters' behavior during candidate management, but subconsciously.

Also, a unique combination of the Clients' deadlines coupled with their own monthly targets make the recruiters dance on their toes, when getting the right candidates is no less amazing than finding a needle in the hay.

However, recruiters too are humans with natural feelings. So, if you're able to prove yourself an interesting and resourceful candidate I don't see any reason they shouldn't respond.

I think, it's nothing but about establishing a strong connectivity with the recruiters, and the candidates who fail to understand this simple fact would continue calling them without any response.

I have more than a thousand contact numbers of such candidates on my mobile phone and never fail to respond whenever they call me up.

Embrace Pains, If You Wish to Become the King of Destiny

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If destiny has put you along the line of bullets, you must thank God for being so kind and look at it as an opportunity to prove yourself.

The journey from ordinary-ship to the realm of being extra-ordinary is like walking through a battle-field without arms and ammunition to defend yourself against a continuous spray of bullets from all directions -- including, a few from your own people!

Yes, it's Very difficult to survive a situation like this but not impossible, if you toughen your skin to such an extent that no bullet can ever penetrate it.

By bullets I mean extreme pains and agonies; by skin I mean emotional state of mind and by battle-field I mean the road 'from beginning to end' of life.

Some work hard to create a situation like this so that they can fight it out to make things happen in life, and a fortunate few are forced to embrace it. Whichever category you belong to, once in, never give up, until you reach the intended destination.

But how do you go about it?

Well, do lots of self-talking inspiring your own-self: "Yes, I can do it," and read success stories of people who fought against all odds to achieve the impossibles. I'm sure, you will develop a strong determination that would help you tide over even the mother of all difficulties -- eventually hitting the shore of success.

Most of us are born ordinary, but a few make it happen in life to become extraordinary before leaving this world, forever. They cease to exist, but leave behind the legacy of successful struggle -- inspiring generations to come.

You too, may become one of them, if you decide to. But, for that, you have to embrace extreme pains and agonies. The risk is huge, but the rewards even sweeter! May be a gambling, but worth taking the risk if you're confident.

Remember, you can become the King of destiny if you have the ability to embrace the pains with a smiling face.

Thanks Kathakali Chaterjee on Facebook for theme of this post.

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What Doesn't Matter, Yet Matters!

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Who you're doesn't matter. What matters most, unfortunately, is your desire to live a resourceful - if not meaningful - life.

That's how all of you live the life, but at some point of time your self-respect prevail over those wrong  intentions and you fail to remain dishonest to yourself!

However, you work hard to win it over and start living, not your genuine intentions but your ability to justify inaction for the right purpose.

Finally, you reach the success summit but without achieving the feat!

Meaningless, is that success, but can you take another route to make it meaningful?

Perhaps you can, if you wish so. Give it a thought and let me know: How to?

From A Recruiter: Is Asking For Interview Feedback A Crime?

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Recently I organized interview of a candidate for a director level position with one of our clients. Meeting was with CEO of the company, and was scheduled in a very short notice.

CEO was attending a program in candidate's city and wanted to meet him during lunch-break. However, candidate, being from the same industry, was not comfortable with the idea, fearing about the possibility of bumping into a few known persons there.

Well, I had to stretch my persuasion skills to a great extent and finally it happened as scheduled.

Within a couple of minutes after the meeting was over, candidate called me up and gave his feedback . I was happy to notice his professionalism and decided to find out other side of the story. So, I sent a sms to the CEO, followed by a email when I didn't receive any response from him.

After a day, when I emailed him again, asking for feedback, he replied with an underlying tone of annoyance for so persistently following up with him, writing : "I need this position filled up more than you and will give you the feedback at the right time, so don't follow-up so persistently."

Slightly taken aback by his reply, I, however,quickly recovered and mailed back: "We work hard to identify the right candidates for our clients and a single line communication - which may not even take a minute - motivates us enough to deliver the best, and also complete the communication cycle"

Now the question is: Was I wrong in asking for a feedback?

I don't know that but one thing is for sure, there was a great mismatch between our expectation level from each other.

Well, an in-depth introspection led to some sort of conclusions: 

Most of my clients are MNCs and very fast in completing information cycle. May be, I expected a similar response from him. However, he, being an orthodox CEO, brought up in a typical bureaucratic Indian corporate environment, perhaps never experienced a 'breathing down the neck' kind of follow-up and got irritated for genuine reasons (from his point of view).

It was a good learning experience for me: That I, as an entrepreneur, must assess, act, and react according to client's psychology. After all, my job is to keep them happy for maintaining a long term business association.

The Price You Pay, For Not Being What You Were!

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What keeps us moving in life? Hope, hope for a better future for self and for people we love and care for. Isn't it?

But, there is price for everything. I heard about it but never believed in, until I paid the price myself.

Yes, I paid the price for not being what I was: I paid the price for being successful in life, I paid the price for moving up the ladder in profession, and I paid the price for being what I'm today.

You can't change your past nor you're responsible for your present, but if there exist a huge difference between the both - you've no option, but to pay a price.

Success brings about a upwardly change in lifestyle and what is natural for you at this moment may appear to be an intended demonstration of your current status.

It happened with me also. Unfortunately, I never realized it until the last moment. When I did, it was over, forever.

Comparison is inevitable. Because, that's in built in humans and has been proved scientifically also.

I wonder, when I - a person, who hardly achieved anything in life - suffered so much, what must have been happening to those so called pillars of the society who came a long way struggling against the odds to be there where they are now.

That's why, perhaps, there is a proverb which says: The successful are always lonely!

An Inspiring Tale of Achieving the Impossibles

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“To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.” #Tom Robbins

The news that make headlines are, either sensational, or something that inspire a lot.

One such post I recently read, is about 3 young boys aged less than 16 years who spent more than 50 days on a small boat drifting in the ocean, and remember: Without food and water. What made them survive such extreme adversity is definitely worth a serious thought.

Who the Hell, Introduced Contingency Hiring Concept?

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Tell me about a single business, other than contingency recruitment, where you work hard and depending upon a huge luck factor only, paid later -- often never?

Oh, yaa, there is another, pretty close, where service providers fight hard to satisfy customers and get paid, later. You know, what I mean. However, in this business, unlike contingency recruitment, the payment is assured.

Sometime, I wonder, who the hell started this concept of contingency recruitment where recruiters work madly against no assured rewards.

Look at the funniest part of this game: Same task is given to at least half a dozen agencies, and that reminds of the scenes I watch on 'Animal Planet' where predators fight it out for their share of a kill! Well, there too, most of them manage to get hold of something at least.

Now, don't console me saying, it's like sports where you work hard for winning a medal but without firm assurance.

Sorry, it's business, and in business it pains seeing your hard work generating no revenues unless you reach the destination through a host of uncertainties.

The trauma doesn't end with placing the candidate because you need to ensure that she/he doesn't leave your client within a specified time frame, otherwise you pay your fees back to your client. It's fine if you have received some interim reward, but that never happens.

So, a contingency recruiter keeps trying unless an ova is fertilized and wait patiently for a healthy baby emerging out of the womb of uncertainty.

Do Mobile Phones Cause Brain Damage ?

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During a summer holiday trip to my native place, a year ago, a medical representative turned up to demonstrate the extent of damage mobile phone causes to our brain.

It was not an exciting topic during a hard earned holiday - which happens once in a year with great difficulties - but, out of courtesy I allowed him to continue with a specific request to finish it quickly.

His preliminary lecture was quite scary: Explaining in details how electromagnetic radiations - microwave - emitted from cell-phone virtually fries our brain

But, when he insisted on demonstrating actual frying process with the help a egg placed in a glass filled with water and a cell phone kept near it in working condition, I couldn't bear it any more and very politely asked him to leave us alone.

Well, I didn't want to spoil my holiday but at the same time this incident cast some doubt in my mind and a detailed study followed later. Surprisingly, I couldn't find any investigation report with conclusive scientific evidence that mobile phone poses any health threat, although a few were strongly suggestive in nature -- in favor.

On the other hand, some of the investigation results I found on internet were contradicting the above mentioned claims. Confused with claims and counter-claims, I left it there  and re-captured my holiday mood.

After a long time, I recollected that incident while noticing  the findings of a new Scandinavian study indicating that cell-phone usage don't lead to an increased risk of brain cancer.

It was an encouraging news for me, because cellphone is an integral part of my life now and it's really difficult to manage things without it.

What Makes Us Interesting to Others?

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My wife went on a laughing spree when I shared with her that a few people I had recently interacted were kind enough to call me an interesting person. Least expected though, but highly motivating for someone who's struggling hard for basic survival. Isn't it?

However, knowing the fact that I've never been called an interesting personality before neither I ever believed me to be so, how, suddenly,  I turned out to be one? Good question that certainly deserves an appropriate answer!

I'm sure, it has something to do with the quality of conversation that I had with them? May be they noticed a caring voice, or may be something I said that they could easily connect to. But the fact is: A positive attitude was noticed, and appreciated.

If so, then how come, all of a sudden, I turned out to be so caring? What's that, that brought about this sudden change in me: An infamously arrogant person?

 The answer is: A series of unexpected failures that completely ripped apart my arrogance, making me realize that there's nothing special about me and I'm an ordinary person like a few billions all over the world. A life changing experience.

My suggestions to all highly successful professionals would be: Be grouted to the earth irrespective of your degree of achievements so far and treat others with respect, if you really don't want to experience the pains that I had and remain interesting to others through-out your life!

Why A Feeling of Emptiness, Despite Having Everything in Life?

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This is the question, a reader asked Cary Tennis in 'Since You Asked' column on 'Saloon,' clearly demonstrating a sense of emptiness despite having everything that a normal person can think of for living a comfortable life.

"Dear Cary, I have it all. Life has been good. Though by no means rich, I have money in the bank, a solid marriage and prospects for a comfortable future.But I am happier when I have less.

This life has numbed me into not feeling happiness. I have everything, and instead of being happy, I feel like a glutton. Most people would trade their life for mine in a minute. I have, it seems, done everything the right way -- or at least had timing on my side."

Well, how our eternal quest for something better that we assume would bring happiness into our life, actually  mislead us -- has been explained by Cary and you may read it HERE

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For How Long, I Would be Able to Continue Fighting Against Destiny?

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It started a couple of years ago and still continuing. Never before, in life, I have experienced so much of hardship.

Business is just not picking up and despite taking all corrective actions, nothing is moving in the right direction.

I even vacated the office space, thinking, there could be some correlation between my destiny and that place since the down slide started only after shifting there.

May be, I'm getting a bit superstitious, but, in a situation where I am, looking at every possibility that might have contributed to this unimaginable losses makes sense.

Well, I will not give up and put in my best efforts for turning the tide around. But, for how long I'd be able to continue fighting against destiny?

Republished with permission from "Kushiara"

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We Are A Set of Multiple Personalities, Frozen With Time At Various Life Intervals

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The other day, while talking to a professional connection, I happily shared with him about a common friend who has made it hugely in life and appeared to be far ahead of contemporaries as far materialistic success is concerned.

'OMG,' was the reaction and then he said, "Nice to hear about his success, but you know while working together for a few years a decade ago I could never imagine that a simple person like him would ever achieve such a stupendous success."

What does it mean?

As simple as: You and everything related to you, are permanently frozen with time at various intervals through out your life journey. Your current status would neither upgrade nor degrade the perception of people -about you - who're associated with you during those periods.

I too experienced it during a painful break-up with a childhood friend, who, to my utter surprise, murmured a long forgotten negative comment about me that he used to deliver, jokingly, a couple of decades ago.

Well, now I know that, that was not done jokingly, otherwise it wouldn't have been alive within him for such a long time.

Since we can't change people's perception about us developed at different point of time through-out our life span, the best option in my opinion is to live it while interacting with them without trying to impose a modification.

Because, that will not work rather strain the relationship.

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Control Your Expectations Without Affecting the Actions

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The act of silence is more damaging than actual violence, and in a situation where a response is justified the lack of it inflicts a sense of loss and despair among probable recipients depending upon expectations level.

In professional life, a simple example could be: You wrote a mail to the CEO of a client organization, whom you know for several years and perceive as close to you, indicating a few problems that you're facing  - down the level - with a hope that he would sort them out. However, your mail got lost into the darkness of silence and you never received a reply. That means, he didn't feel it worth sending you an acknowledgment even -- forget about acting on its contents.

Can you really blame him for this stunning silence? Not necessarily. Because, had your message been perceived by him as an important task he would have definitely replied. You can't blame him for not considering you or your expectation as important as you think he should have. Right?

I think in every relationship, professional or personal, there exists a difference between both 'what we expect from' and 'reciprocate to' each other in terms of satisfying our materialistic and emotional needs. 

Always remember, depth of relationship is like two sides of the same coin: One, that's yours and that you can control; the other, you can't and it keeps changing hugely in either direction without your knowledge.

The best way to make your life little better, is to control your expectations; however, never let it control your actions. Keep trying, but be ready to face and accept even the wildest response without feeling bad about it. I've learned it the hard way and I'm sure, anybody can.

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Can We Really Bury Our Expectation for A Reciprocation ?

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Long ago, someone approached me through a corporate connection, saying, he was without a job and desperately looking for a break in corporate India.

His story of struggle made such an impact on my emotional ecosystem that I went out of the way to place him in an organization, free-of-charge, in that process incurring a huge loss of few hundred thousand.

Nothing prevailed over my value system except one objective: Fix his life path. Frankly speaking, I didn't do it with an expectation that when time comes he would return my favor, because I never thought that I could ever be in a similar situation.

He got the assignment and I felt happy, as if I've done a great job. Yes, there was a sense of accomplishment. Well, friends did remind me to use my brain more, than heart, while carrying out business deals.

A decade later, when I needed some help that he could have easily extended by virtue of his current stature, a call and subsequent discussion was followed by a stunning silence from him.

Was I wrong in my expectation from him, or that's how the world keeps revolving?

It's not an unusual story, with most of us having gone through similar situations in life at some point of time, but the question is: Can we really bury our expectations for a reciprocation, practically?

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What Governs Our Ability to Accept the Failures and React Positively?

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It's not failures but our in-ability to accept the same and stride it over, is what makes our life miserable.

'Failure is the pillar of success,' has been bombarded into our amygdala from all possible learning centers of life. However, facing it point blank and living it, is one of the most daunting tasks human can ever think of.

Most of the people who have the guts to accepts their own failures eventually give up in course of time; however, a few adamant, not only accept but embrace it -- and finally come out victorious.

It's not an easy task, since, subconsciously fighting against the influence of evolution governed self-defense mechanism, not many have the emotional strength to accept and react against their own shortcomings.

So what's that factor, that fuels a never dying fighting spirits in individuals?

Well, in my opinion, it's nothing but the quality of upbringing which influences our ability to fight against all odds of life -- and the credit goes to our parents.

Do you agree with me?

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Is Knowledge, Always A Blessing?

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More we gain knowledge, more we learn, and are able to differentiate between hope and ground realities.

Looking at the positive aspect, knowledge makes us understand a little more about an issue helping us resolve it better.

However, sometime , knowledge painfully makes us realize how useless is the hope that we believe in, would change our life for better.

I don't know, if it's better to live with a false hope that keeps us moving or, know and try to accept accept what's impossible to resolve -- and live it, somehow!

Is knowledge always a blessing in disguise, or sometime: A disguise in blessing!

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The Angel Who Saved My Life!

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With no money to pull on beyond a week, the only option I had, was to put best efforts in getting a long-awaited refund of half a million from the Income Tax department.

The concerned official happened to be a young lady in her early thirties. I met her for a minute and explained my situation -- more through body language than any verbal communication.

She could sense my desperation and put all her senior officers on the job, instantly -- something unusual in a  government run set-up.

Finally, the problem, that was lingering for more than a year got sorted out in hours. Surely, it wouldn't have been possible without her extra-ordinary intervention.

I'd always pray to God for her well-being, because she saved a life: Mine!

Thanks a lot my dear angel!