During my early school days, one of my classmate Rabin, who used to stand first in the class would always have his home work neatly done without ever giving any opportunity to the class teacher to complain against him. Rest of the class would continue to have their own share of plight in that respect.
However, one fine morning, things suddenly took a u -turn for Rabin: his home-work was incomplete; he was unable to answer teacher's questions in the class; in fact, his so-called confidence seemed have vanished leaving behind a skeleton of confusion and fear.
Class teacher, being habitual of citing the example of Rabin to others, was in an embarrassing situation. He was totally confused to notice this amazing transformation in Rabin within a gap of 24 hours: yesterday Rabin was as bright as none in the class, and today he appeared as dumb as none.
Later we came to know that Rabin's father was not keeping well yesterday and without any help from him Rabin came crashing down the ladder of confidence. In fact, in few occasions, I had noticed his father's handwritten note in his work-book also.
The other boy, Zubin, despite being unfortunate to have not so literate parents, was scoring good marks in the class with hardly any support from either parents or external coaching and continued doing well throughout. The reason for Zubin's success, that I can make out today, was a phenomenal emotional support from his parents.
Today, Zubin is a professor in one of the IITs ( Indian Institute of Technology) and Rabin is a lecturer in a general college.The reason, possibly, could be that, during higher studies Rabin found it difficult to navigate without any support from his father -- a habit, rather a bad habit, that he cultivated for long. And Zubin, being independent right from the beginning, had no such difficulties.
The morale of the story is: let your children grow as independently as possible. You should never make them so dependent on you that they feel helpless without your support. Help them develop their in-built defense mechanism, inspire them to face the world on their own; however, at the same time, assure them that you'd always be there when they really need you.
Although our interference in the life of children is an expression of love and caring but we must restrict ourselves to ensure that they grow up naturally.
4 comments:
I agree that it is very difficult to stand back and let my children learn lifes lessons. We can only teach them so much. Being hurt and rejected as well as experiencing failure is essential to success. Sometimes opposition and failure can fuel the desire to succeed. We cannot achieve our childrens success for them. They must do it on their own.
I have just added another angle of this issue ie;emotional support at the desired level to help them achieve success in life.
Well what you faced is something which do not take place with every one.My parents since my child hood set me free and I have taken all my decision during my child hood and adolescence age this has led me become confident ,good public speaker and a person who is strong and bold towards life but on the other hand if they would have taken notice of each and every thing what i was doing and would have watch my studies well then I would have been at a much much better place then what I am.
So what I mean is what parents do and hold belief in some times change a child life in a better way some times it doesnt.It totally depends upon the child .It might have hapend that bright child would have done exemplary well thinking of his expectation which his father hold for me but unfortunately it was the other way round for him.
Great comment Anamika
What i have mentioned is about two of my classmates with different family background and mode of care by parents.
Both were loved very much by their respective parents but the extent of parental interference was entirely different.
In the first case , the boy was spoon fed and in the 2nd case he was totally independent as far as educational input is concerned.
Fortunately , in my case it was a balanced approach and because of my mother i could successfully complete the degree in Engineering from a NIT (Nagpur) and that balanced approach in upbringing perhaps helped to compare these two extreme cases without any biased state of mind.
Parental care should be a carefully designed solution with adequate independence and liberty but also with a control mechanism to ensure that things do not go drastically wrong.
I fully agree with you, may be the excessive care actually damaged the career of 1st boy.
Well, it's a unique solution because every child is different than the rest but ultimately a carefully controlled independence is the solution, i believe.
Cheers !!!
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