A little over 3 years by now, I have been going through the worst phase of my life: Emotional and financial.
But gradually things are changing, at least there are some good signs visible in the distant horizon. Years of struggle against unrelenting pressure from destiny, forcing me to surrender and quit this world, appears to be coming to an end.
Having decided not to quit as a failure, I perhaps turned myself into an abnormal person. Why abnormal? Because my Struggle had been more about keeping my self-esteem intact, when there was not even a remote possibility of achieving so.
With every source of money dried up, I, against my wishes, to remain alive, had to borrow money from more than a dozen friends and relatives.
Did I do it happily?
Not at all!
Every time I approached someone, asking for money, I had to gather tremendous courage; in a way, I had to swallow my self-respect. Because, for more than a decade, I have been living a successful life and instead of asking for financial help I had rather been offering the same to others.
The pains of asking for financial help from so many people was killing me incrementally. But there was no option, because survival was at stake: not just mine, but my family members as well.
I still vividly remember: having gone through these ordeals a few times, once I almost gave up. But, just before surrendering to destiny's might I could convince myself that I don't deserve to remembered as a failure.
Every time the black clouds of pains gathered across my mind, I would write an article, flushing the agonies out of my system and breathing in fresh air of hopes for a better future -- inspiring self for keeping the fight on.
Those notes, written over a period of 3 years - those 3 years of unbelievable fight against destiny's torture - highlight my helplessness and also the determination. Hundreds of them, truly reflecting, what I had gone through, are now being edited to come out as a book.
If my story of pains, agonies and the determination to refuse giving up can save even a single soul from succumbing to life's struggle, I would be the happiest person on planet earth.
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